Six months ago, I sat outside, on a wooden deck in the mountains, across from a white dude with a man bun. “Do you actually think this can fix me?” I asked him. The man went by “Kapétt,” a name he picked up while studying indigenous culture in a Peruvian forest, though his legal name was John Thomas Caldwell III, and he was raised in Greenwich, Connecticut.
This was such a good article! Also I cannot stop laughing at “In some other alternative reality, right there at that moment, I punched him in the face.” So so good.
As much as I too hate the cultish vibe these things put out, I healed a bout of vertigo in a yoga class so..... it works?
I really enjoyed this. I have always been wary - scared, really - of Ayahuasca. I did shrooms one time and it was such an incredible experience, even more cosmic and mind-shifting than I had been led to expect, that I’ve never felt the need to do it again, for fear of any subsequent trip not living up to it (I didn’t get a Spacelady; I got a dolphin made of light inside a temple made of light). I love reading other people’s experiences with psychedelics because no matter how insane or fabricated they might sound, I know everything is possible.
Loved this. Like you need another cure tip, but here goes. I suffered for years until I came across two brothers (doctors) on You Tube. They said the treatment was similar to that of a stroke victim. Bottom line; balancing exercises, any exercise that forces you to balance every day. If I get lazy within a few days the dizziness is back. So it’s a life long positive thing to do. FYI I had an amazing “unplanned” ayahuasca experience outside Rio a few yrs back while visiting my grandchild. I’ll never forget it.
I felt this article was a fantastic depiction of what is or possibly is on the other side. I could not stop reading. I could also relate completely as someone who has attended an ayahuasca ceremony. Much of this is exactly how I felt. It was great reading from someone who could articulate it so well. I admire your writing ability to transport the reader with joy, humor and a down right great perspective. Looking forward to reading more from you. What an experience! Thank you for sharing.
Fascinating take on this experience. If you're interested in a less cult-like solution to your problem, what you described sounds a lot like Meniere's disease. If that's the case, a low-sodium diet can reduce fluid retention and help with the swelling in your ear. Definitely worth asking a doctor about if you haven't already!
Another great essay Alex! I read it at the best possible time, right after pouring out my kratom tea, which is too vile & bitter to force myself to drink anymore
So Alex, I am quite glad I have found you. I had no idea how to send you a direct message if that is even possible (and I am terrible and resistant to tech despite being a writer here). I wanted to say that this email response to me becoming a new subscriber rocked my morning as the brevity and clarity are quite refreshing: (email header: Thanks for subscribing to my Substack) Email content: That's all :D alex kruger .... I came to this article as it seemed as good a place as any to leave a little random comment, and I did read your article, as I have taken a dive into psychedelics and I use mushrooms to talk to God. Also, sometimes dead people talk to me...but with that said, I have had an equal aversion to my ancestors which I recently explored on a very intense mushroom journey. I did attempt to "try" aya once. I met a sweet couple in Costa Rica and drove with them to their house with their three year old and two young herbalists from the US. Turns out the Costa Ricans were part of the Diamante Church, which uses Aya legally. They also prepare it so there is no purging. The three year old played a banjo with her father and they sang spiritual songs. Not a lot happened for me and I followed my intuition and stopped drinking early on. But the experience was memorable. You inspire me with your blatant authenticity which is only funny because it is so unusual in this mostly inauthentic world. I look forward to more of your posts. XO from El Salvador.
I really enjoyed this. So Much. The clarity of the experience (at least what you shared of it, Its possible there were many other aspects you weren't invested in sharing), was interesting, uplifting and transportive. There was a zen in what you wrote, a few small stokes, painting a brilliant and arresting picture of an experience so few have had. As a serial cult joiner (thanks, I'm all better now, just ask me) I can't recognize any real cultishness here, (other than the slope of proffered groupthink buzz words normalizing and familiarity), seeds for their future perhaps . . . I noticed you didn't appear to be say (did I miss it?) whether you would be doing it again (open to it, or outright planning?). I have to say this sounds like a really wonderful experience, and outcome, I'd love to experience it, for my own confrontation of my various "opportunities for growth" that have not, as yet, been fixed. Alas, while cult free of the immensely valuable 12 step programs (I still practice the principles), my 37 years of drug and alcohol abstinence cautions me, if not outright forbids me, from - having - taking, enjoining? such an experience. I do agree that psychedelics seem to be a worthwhile field for real peer reviewed study, the prospects seem quite bright. I'm glad you got value from them (it?) and didn't rule out their possible benefits. I really look forward to more of your writing, it has an ease and warmth rare and wonderful. Thank you.
Doug! Sorry for responding so late to this. I appreciate your comment. I would love to know what cults you're referring to :)
And yeah, I'd be open to the experience again, one day, if I feel I need it, but it doesn't feel very much like a "chasing the dragon" kind of drug (at least not to me).
I've looked into a ton of twelve step programs out of curiosity and even dialed into a couple of the online ones that seemed relevant to me and I loved the community.
Alex, thanks for bringing a New Yorker’s wit and cynicism to the profound. Don’t know whether you are one, (though now certainly an honorary one), but your sardonic window into the metaphysical left me giggling and nodding with each of your journal entries. You allowed many of us feel the courage to dive off that diving board with disbelief and seeking, each holding hands with one another, hoping for the impossible and meeting the indescribable. Yet, somehow you described it! Many thanks. I too might be interested in this, is info available?
I’m a newly minted fan, and have been reading all your previous work. This is my favourite, so far! One thing that bothered me though - what receptacle was provided in case it wasn’t vomit that was expelled? How did one deal with that eventuality whilst rolling around, untethered to reality, on a yoga mat? Despite this, it sounded fun 😂
Hi Alex, I am new to your forum but the first arcticle I read was your experience with Ayahuasca ceremony. And it came at a very good time. Absolutely loved your rendition of your experience and want to find out more. I've suffered severe anxiety and depression since I was 17. At 1st it was more seasonal but had advanced dramatically over the years. I have been diagnosed with slight Bi-polar 2 and taking quite a few meds for my anxiety. The anxiety makes doing anything or having snags in my life. I would like to know where you went for help and how to get in touch so I could see if I'd be a good candidate for the treatment for my anxiety. Please, share all info you have. The only health problem I have that concerns me is low blood pressure. I have that whenever I smoke too much weed. Thanks bunches
I agree, Kratom is the absolute worst tasting thing I have ever consumed. Even after taking it for over 3 years, it can still make me purge any time while drinking it. They also come in capsules that are easier on the stomach reflex, but they also cost so much more (unless you make your own). But then I end up burping out that wonderful flavor and/or aroma for the next few hours. Which also made me hurl on a few occasions.
To be fair, I have as well. But then again, what are we to expect when kratom shows promising results for replacing and/or challenging many of big pharma's profitable drugs. Kratom is a natural plant and is far cheaper then big pharma's solutions.
Hi Alex - I have been dealing with vestibular issues/dizziness for a couple of years. Your article is great and I would be interested in learning more about where you went, etc. There is no shortage of ayahuasca sites on the internet, having a recommendation from somebody who is/was trying to solve the same health issue would be great. Thx
This was such a good article! Also I cannot stop laughing at “In some other alternative reality, right there at that moment, I punched him in the face.” So so good.
As much as I too hate the cultish vibe these things put out, I healed a bout of vertigo in a yoga class so..... it works?
Haha. Thanks Elle. I'm glad you liked it. LOVE YOUR SUBSTACK :)
And yeah. I guess we're pro-cult now?
Hahaha! I guess so. And thank you so so much!!!!!
I really enjoyed this. I have always been wary - scared, really - of Ayahuasca. I did shrooms one time and it was such an incredible experience, even more cosmic and mind-shifting than I had been led to expect, that I’ve never felt the need to do it again, for fear of any subsequent trip not living up to it (I didn’t get a Spacelady; I got a dolphin made of light inside a temple made of light). I love reading other people’s experiences with psychedelics because no matter how insane or fabricated they might sound, I know everything is possible.
Loved this. Like you need another cure tip, but here goes. I suffered for years until I came across two brothers (doctors) on You Tube. They said the treatment was similar to that of a stroke victim. Bottom line; balancing exercises, any exercise that forces you to balance every day. If I get lazy within a few days the dizziness is back. So it’s a life long positive thing to do. FYI I had an amazing “unplanned” ayahuasca experience outside Rio a few yrs back while visiting my grandchild. I’ll never forget it.
Send me the link
Would you send me more info on how to find these two brothers?
I felt this article was a fantastic depiction of what is or possibly is on the other side. I could not stop reading. I could also relate completely as someone who has attended an ayahuasca ceremony. Much of this is exactly how I felt. It was great reading from someone who could articulate it so well. I admire your writing ability to transport the reader with joy, humor and a down right great perspective. Looking forward to reading more from you. What an experience! Thank you for sharing.
Thanks Jill. Really appreciate the note. Hoping that your experience was a good one. Or helpful. Or whatever it's supposed to be ;)
Thanks again
Fascinating take on this experience. If you're interested in a less cult-like solution to your problem, what you described sounds a lot like Meniere's disease. If that's the case, a low-sodium diet can reduce fluid retention and help with the swelling in your ear. Definitely worth asking a doctor about if you haven't already!
Ah thank you. Yes. I basically have atypical Meniere's :D FUN TIMES
Another great essay Alex! I read it at the best possible time, right after pouring out my kratom tea, which is too vile & bitter to force myself to drink anymore
Haha thank you Val
So Alex, I am quite glad I have found you. I had no idea how to send you a direct message if that is even possible (and I am terrible and resistant to tech despite being a writer here). I wanted to say that this email response to me becoming a new subscriber rocked my morning as the brevity and clarity are quite refreshing: (email header: Thanks for subscribing to my Substack) Email content: That's all :D alex kruger .... I came to this article as it seemed as good a place as any to leave a little random comment, and I did read your article, as I have taken a dive into psychedelics and I use mushrooms to talk to God. Also, sometimes dead people talk to me...but with that said, I have had an equal aversion to my ancestors which I recently explored on a very intense mushroom journey. I did attempt to "try" aya once. I met a sweet couple in Costa Rica and drove with them to their house with their three year old and two young herbalists from the US. Turns out the Costa Ricans were part of the Diamante Church, which uses Aya legally. They also prepare it so there is no purging. The three year old played a banjo with her father and they sang spiritual songs. Not a lot happened for me and I followed my intuition and stopped drinking early on. But the experience was memorable. You inspire me with your blatant authenticity which is only funny because it is so unusual in this mostly inauthentic world. I look forward to more of your posts. XO from El Salvador.
I really enjoyed this. So Much. The clarity of the experience (at least what you shared of it, Its possible there were many other aspects you weren't invested in sharing), was interesting, uplifting and transportive. There was a zen in what you wrote, a few small stokes, painting a brilliant and arresting picture of an experience so few have had. As a serial cult joiner (thanks, I'm all better now, just ask me) I can't recognize any real cultishness here, (other than the slope of proffered groupthink buzz words normalizing and familiarity), seeds for their future perhaps . . . I noticed you didn't appear to be say (did I miss it?) whether you would be doing it again (open to it, or outright planning?). I have to say this sounds like a really wonderful experience, and outcome, I'd love to experience it, for my own confrontation of my various "opportunities for growth" that have not, as yet, been fixed. Alas, while cult free of the immensely valuable 12 step programs (I still practice the principles), my 37 years of drug and alcohol abstinence cautions me, if not outright forbids me, from - having - taking, enjoining? such an experience. I do agree that psychedelics seem to be a worthwhile field for real peer reviewed study, the prospects seem quite bright. I'm glad you got value from them (it?) and didn't rule out their possible benefits. I really look forward to more of your writing, it has an ease and warmth rare and wonderful. Thank you.
Doug! Sorry for responding so late to this. I appreciate your comment. I would love to know what cults you're referring to :)
And yeah, I'd be open to the experience again, one day, if I feel I need it, but it doesn't feel very much like a "chasing the dragon" kind of drug (at least not to me).
I've looked into a ton of twelve step programs out of curiosity and even dialed into a couple of the online ones that seemed relevant to me and I loved the community.
Thanks again for the note :)
Alex, thanks for bringing a New Yorker’s wit and cynicism to the profound. Don’t know whether you are one, (though now certainly an honorary one), but your sardonic window into the metaphysical left me giggling and nodding with each of your journal entries. You allowed many of us feel the courage to dive off that diving board with disbelief and seeking, each holding hands with one another, hoping for the impossible and meeting the indescribable. Yet, somehow you described it! Many thanks. I too might be interested in this, is info available?
Thanks Pdmorton. Shoot me an email and I'll intro you to the team there :D
I’m a newly minted fan, and have been reading all your previous work. This is my favourite, so far! One thing that bothered me though - what receptacle was provided in case it wasn’t vomit that was expelled? How did one deal with that eventuality whilst rolling around, untethered to reality, on a yoga mat? Despite this, it sounded fun 😂
Haha. A tiny trash can. It’s not as interesting as you’d think. You don’t even really notice you’re throwing up. It’s the least of your concerns lol
Great article! Can you share where you had this experience and the cost? Im interested in doing this myself.
Hey Kevin! Email me and I'll send you the details :)
What is your email please? Thanks.
Hi Alex, I am new to your forum but the first arcticle I read was your experience with Ayahuasca ceremony. And it came at a very good time. Absolutely loved your rendition of your experience and want to find out more. I've suffered severe anxiety and depression since I was 17. At 1st it was more seasonal but had advanced dramatically over the years. I have been diagnosed with slight Bi-polar 2 and taking quite a few meds for my anxiety. The anxiety makes doing anything or having snags in my life. I would like to know where you went for help and how to get in touch so I could see if I'd be a good candidate for the treatment for my anxiety. Please, share all info you have. The only health problem I have that concerns me is low blood pressure. I have that whenever I smoke too much weed. Thanks bunches
Lisa
All good. I just responded to your DM!!
Well done! Illuminating, insightful, and hilarious. The brief journal quips interspersed throughout the story give life to the characters.
Thanks Dookie ♥️
I agree, Kratom is the absolute worst tasting thing I have ever consumed. Even after taking it for over 3 years, it can still make me purge any time while drinking it. They also come in capsules that are easier on the stomach reflex, but they also cost so much more (unless you make your own). But then I end up burping out that wonderful flavor and/or aroma for the next few hours. Which also made me hurl on a few occasions.
I think it's also not that good for you? I've heard a ton of mixed things on Kratom
To be fair, I have as well. But then again, what are we to expect when kratom shows promising results for replacing and/or challenging many of big pharma's profitable drugs. Kratom is a natural plant and is far cheaper then big pharma's solutions.
The revelation in DC movies. It all makes sense now.
Hi Alex - I have been dealing with vestibular issues/dizziness for a couple of years. Your article is great and I would be interested in learning more about where you went, etc. There is no shortage of ayahuasca sites on the internet, having a recommendation from somebody who is/was trying to solve the same health issue would be great. Thx
Hey Dan! Shoot me a private note and I'll send it over ;)
Thanks Alex. Really appreciate it. I sent you an email, not sure I had the right email. Let me know if you do not receive.
Thx again.